Conjugal Kindness

All praise is due to Allâh, Lord of all the worlds. Peace and blessings of Allâh be upon the Messenger, his househod and companions.

Fellow Muslims! Fear Allâh as He should be feared and die not except in the state of Islâm. Allâh says,

And fear Allâh through Whom you demand (your mutual rights), and (do not cut the relations of) the wombs (kinship). Surely, Allâh is Ever an All-Watcher over you.”(An-Nisâ 4:1

Brethren in faith! Allâh reminds us of His blessings and explains to us His signs that indicate His favours and kindness. He says,

And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.” (Ar-Rûm 30:21)

In this above verse, Allâh calls our attention to a great blessing that He has endowed us with. This blessing is the relationship between man and woman by which isolation is removed, happiness is achieved and peace and tranquility are attained in the life of this world. One should therefore, take care of this blessing and not become a cause for its destruction.

Dear brethren! Allâh created His servants with different ability to manage the affairs of their lives and in the ways of achieving happiness in this life and the Hereafter. It is because of this difference that He made some of His servants leaders and others subjects. He chose for them leaders to manage their affairs. He made man the manager of his household and the woman the caretaker of the house of her husband. For the home is the pillar of life, the foundation of its happiness, tranquility and stability. The home cannot stand firm unless the man performs his obligations, takes care of his family and treats them kindly. The same applies to the wife.

The Muslim woman should perform her obligations towards her husband and children. For home is the first school of life and the foundation of good behaviour for the children. She must give them sound Islâmic upbringing that will lead to a good life in this world and happiness in the Hereafter.

Brethren in Islâm! A great calamity that many people are afflicted with these days is their indifference to the issue of divorce. Some men hastily divorce his wife for the flimsiest reason while forgetting every good she had done him thereby doing injustice to her and his children. At the end, he regrets and becomes distressed for that action. The cause of this irrational act is quick anger, agitation and bad conducts. This action destroys home and puts the family in disarray.

The husband should control himself and not let his wife drive him into a rage. Whenever he feels annoyed, he should change his position as the Messenger of Allâh has instructed like changing his position from standing to sitting or from sitting to lying down or leaving the house until his anger is gone and he has come back to his senses. He should also remember the instruction of the Prophet that says,

“ “I advise you to take care of the women, for they are created from a rib and the most crooked portion of the rib is its upper part; if you try to straighten it, it will break, and if you leave it, it will remain crooked, so I urge you to take care of the women.”

He also said, “No believing man should hate a believing woman. If he finds a behaviour in her that he dislikes, he will find another that he likes.” This Prophetic directive is a basis for good relationship between husband and wife. The husband must note the commendable conducts that his wife possesses and compare that to her conducts that he dislikes. For when man looks into commendable behaviours that his wife possesses he will overlook her misdeeds because of her overwhelming good conduct. The wise man should know that attaining perfection is impossible. If he looks into his own self, he will find out that he has more imperfections than the ones he sees in his wife or the same. There is no way to avoid a disagreement with a wife or any of the relatives or friends. Let him remember the word of Allâh,

“And live with them honorably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allâh brings through it a great deal of good.” (An-Nisâ 4:19)

Fellow Muslims! A person with a sound mind, pure nature and fair conscience will not deny a woman her right or be unjust to a woman who was brought up far from him and then joined him in a marriage relationship and each of them has found repose in the other, as Allâh says:

“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy.”

In spite of this love and mercy that the husband and the wife find in one another, the woman is still obedient to her husband, takes care of his home and gives him enjoyment. After all this, can any reasonable man have the audacity to harm this woman, inconvenience her, humiliate her, wrong her, beat her and divorce her?

O woman whom Allâh has blessed with honour, respect and chastity and whom Allâh has made the nurturer and the caretaker of a family, hold fast unto this blessing by improving on your conducts and dealing with your husband in the best way, for the husband’s right is great. Expect to get reward from Allâh for your obedience to your husband, your service to him, your perseverance and your overlooking of things that do not contradict religion or standard moral conduct. Keep away from evil suspicions, wild accusations and injurious expressions. Learn from marital problems of others and the separations and disruptions that such problems have caused.

O you husbands and wives! All of you should treat one another well. Let each of you bear whatever their companion does with patience and tolerance. Remember that each of you owes obligations to their spouse as Allâh says,

“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them.” (Al-Baqarah 2:228)

Dear Muslims! Fear Allâh and be dutiful to Him. Shield yourselves with the patience and forbearance. Overlook some things for yourselves for perfection is unattainable and forgiving other people’s faults is among the noble qualities.

Fellow Muslims! Know that Allâh gives some period excellence over others and honours some months, days and nights more than others so that His believing slaves might work righteousness in them. Among these excellence periods is the month of Ramadân which Allâh blessed and made a great season of blessings and forgiveness and elevation of the degrees of His faithful servants. The month is here now. You should therefore receive it with happiness.

Therein let them rejoice. That is better than what (the wealth) they amass.”(Yûnus 10:58)

The month of Ramadân has a night that is greater than a thousand months. Allâh makes fasting of the month obligatory and makes the observation of prayers in its nights a supererogatory duty. Whoever provides food for a fasting Muslim in it will have his sins forgiven, will be liberated from Hell and will have the same reward similar to that of the fasting Muslim without causing any reduction in the reward of the latter.

Ramadân is a month whose beginning is mercy, whose middle is forgiveness and whose end is liberation from the Fire. He who feeds a fasting Muslim during Ramadân will drink from the Prophet’s Lake Fount and shall not be thirsty again until he enters Paradise. Allâh says,

“The month of Ramadan in which was revealed the Qur’ân, a guidance for mankind and clear proofs for the guidance and the criterion (between right and wrong). So whoever of you sights (the crescent on the first night of) the month (of Ramadân i.e. is present at his home), he must observe fasts that month, and whoever is ill or on a journey, the same number (of days which one did not observe fasts must be made up) from other days. Allâh intends for you ease, and He does not want to make things difficult for you. (He wants that you) must complete the same number (of days), and that you must magnify Allâh (i.e. to say Takbîr (Allâhu Akbar; Allâh is the Most Great) for having guided you so that you may be grateful to Him.” (Al-Baqarah 2:185)

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